Thursday, August 30, 2007
*GASP* new entry! -edited- added doodle
Just thinking back on the entries I've written so far...well...
um, my my. I've been very emo lately. XD
o___o...it's scaring me.
but yay! emo days are semi-over! I'm happy happy again, sort of. But that's prolly because I had me a piece of chocolate
You know, I label my entries such and such, but I don't really know if they're supposed to really have that label...o__o...I'm not good at classifying and labeling.
RANDOM!
this is my 5-axial clinical diagnosis of myself.
Axis I : Cyclothymia
Axis II: Borderline PD (with a possible comorbidity with Schizotypal PD? that is, if it's allowable to have Cluster A disorders mix with Cluster B disorders...XD)
Axis III: Asthmatic Bronchitis
Axis IV: Interpersonal Relationships (Family, Friends, Love? o__O)
Axis V: 81-90 - Absent or minimal symptoms, generally satisfied with life, no more than everyday problems
now I'm just TOO lazy to explain.
-----another random thing------
Last night, I doodled. XD well, it wasn't supposed to be just a doodle. I was actually planning on making a deviation and upload it on my dA. but bleh. I'll prolly post it sometime :D
EDIT: Well, here's my doodle! X3
yay break! short break but break nonetheless. I still havta go to school on saturday though. =3=
early coursecards for kaspil 2, under Sir Delupio. Hopefully things turn out well. Rar.
------
Well, yesterday I passed the groupwork for Philper (which I basically just did on my own...@__@) and that final quiz take home paper for that same subject (which kinda was driving me crazy, really). I don't think I did the paper right, the individual take home one that is. I hope Sir Apolega would have mercy on me though. I'm active in class discussions! (when hardly anyone talked. I guess it helped that I have this habit of blabbering to myself out loud)...plus, Kate and I were basically just the ones who did the other group papers we had to pass. I really have no clue on how my grade would turn out. He didn't give us our midterm grades.
I'm also worried about QUALRES since we never received our midterm grades, but Hopefully, that's HOPEFULLY it turns out alright.
I got my coursecard in Relstri yesterday, and I got a 3.0...@__@...which is lucky, considering I was goofing off half of the time. So that means if I really gave it my all I would have gotten higher. But then Sir really demands a lot. =3=...so...I'm happy with the 3. I hope I get at least a 3.0 in Biopsych too. And in Kaspil2. and GAH! please please Philper too...at least make me pass philper! and Qualres! TT___TT
mrawr. Anywho...
In other news...o.o
I got into LSAIDE! despite...having only 2 terms left. I got into the Special Projects Committee, and that means...I get to be creative! Or, well, I'd at least be somehow pressured to revive my dying creativity and exercise my @rT s>IiI_LZ! XDDD yay on that!
...hrm, I have thesis to worry about for this term though, and relsfor, and histciv, and clinpsy, and psycho2, and indpsyc @__________@...GAH...
>___<...challenge, Janna. yes. challenge. YOU CAN DO IT!
...right?
uh, right. RIGHT. OF COURSE ! X3
going back on the LSAIDE thing. It's sad that only 3 people passed SPC, and I don't know the other 2. Abby got tense during her interview so...*sigh* I really would have wanted to be able to work with Abby for LSAIDE .__.
oh well, she has her other affiliations to worry about anyway. AND OUR THESIS TOO...X3
Abby is my thesis mate. We're still thinking...whether we're gonna allow a "third party" in our marriage (thesis...XD). We've had proposals...but I dunno. We've also had BAD experiences in the past. Traumatic ones. So I'd rather just have the two of us than end up going crazy mad and frustrated at the third member. Kung pwede lang na apat na tao in a group, I'd have wanted to stick to our Qualres group. I love working with them. It gets...tense, but...we ACTUALLY do something. And we have our yahoogroups. Twas VERY helpful :D
I would have wanted to drag Hanya along...for the thesis group. But I never got to ask her...she prolly has someone now, and I wouldn't wanna be a contra-bida of sorts and steal her away. I know she's a hardworker, so...I don't know. I feel that some people may take advantage of her and leave her doing the work on her own...and being the nice hanya that she is, she'll just bear with it. I hope she gets nice thesis mates. I love hanya :3 she's one of my first friends in DLSU. Circumstances just pulled us away, but we remain friends. I really wish I had taken her away back then and semi-forced her to join me in ROTC...that way she wouldn't have been unhappy. I'll really miss hanya when I leave...and...hmm, I'll always have this regret that I didn't get to be with her much, when I know I would have gotten to know her more and so on.
brawr. anyway. I'm off to breakfast.Labels: informative, journal-bloggy-ly entry, rant and share
Friday, August 24, 2007
Pretentious
People who have their loved ones missing must really have it hard.
They disappeared, and you don't know where to find them. So many things could have happened.
You are stuck between mourning, thinking they may have died and would never ever come back, and being hopeful, being positive...waiting.
It's difficult to wait, be in between, to keep positive, keep hoping.
but then through your waiting, you find them. somehow you find them. but they don't notice you. they can't hear you. they don't know you.
what happened? Maybe, you're dead. That's why they don't notice you anymore. Maybe, they're dead. Maybe they're someone else. Maybe you've been imagining everything all this time. Maybe they never knew you. It was all in your head. Maybe they never existed. No one else knew them except you. It was all in your head.
Something must have changed. Someone is playing tricks on you. They'll have you believe you are crazy. That you were delusional. You were having visual, auditory, gustatory, and sensory hallucinations. You're schizophrenic.
They never knew you, no one knew them. You just made it up.
You, are stressed.
You need to relax.
You're talking crazy.Labels: a game of pretend
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Still worried + Mattea's email + Bleach Quiz + Word Vomit
I'm still very very worried about Will, since I haven't at all heard from him in around 3 days now.
I got a message from Mattea today, and well...she's back...and safe too. It's too bad she only got to go to an internet cafe once, so she didn't get to read my reply to her. If she did, I could have had a chance to see her, since they stayed in Manila for a night and went to the mall she says. She also told me she might be going back to the Philippines this January, if she doesn't have a shooting tournament. So maybe I could see her by then.
...it would be nice if I could see her brother too.
Anyway, she didn't mention anything about Will, so wherever he is, I guess they don't know. So even if I tried calling the Brandons, I don't think they could tell me where he is.
I ended up messaging Dan today, and Cole yesterday to ask about Will. The last time we talked, he was going to contact Dan. I don't know if he got to. I'm really worried about him. I don't want to hope anymore, but I really wish I could get a reply today.
Anyway, to take my mind of that again...I took that Bleach test! that one in Christelle's and Niki's page.
What Bleach Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.
so...I got rukia. Hmm, well, actually the first that I got was Uryuu...but that was just because in the last question, I answered I'm a stuffed animal. XD
My answer to the second to the last question was "fuzzy" but when I changed it to lunch, since I think I'm currently hungry, I got uruhara.
so when I stuck with all my real answers, and also stuck with girl, I got rukia. so umm...hmm...^__^; either way, be it Uryuu, Uruhara, or Rukia, I'm fine with all of them. Actually I wanted to see Kon's so I picked the stuffed animal one...but oh well.
I wanted to get rukia hair once, and I think there was a day when my hair was a tiny bit similar. But then that was a year ago.
And now speaking of a year ago...It's almost been a year. Since we saw each other. Now I'm getting sad again. ^__^;...It doesn't help that I'm all worried right now too. I really hope he's alright.
----
Someday, I really would want to be rich. By rich I mean that I can afford mostly all that I need, and I can live comfortably...and afford to travel here and there from time to time. I also want to have a stable, well profiting job. I want to be able to provide well for my family. I want to be rich, and stable...so that I can really just decide on my own...so it won't be a big deal who I end up with and what they do for a living. I want to do art in my free time, I want to have a neat-big-enough-house, I want to have a library -- and we'll put all those mangas in there, plus neil gaiman books and so on. I want to be rich and powerful enough to protect those who I love...so that no one could just pick on us or whatever.
...And so that those who had treated him badly...those who looked down on him could no longer do so.
Wil is a really talented guy, and a hardworking one at that. He's had a series of bad events happen in his life, but there he is, going along and not giving up. Though things are not going so well right now...I...oh just.
I want to be strong enough to hold him up in the times when he needs it most. For that guy who has loved me without really asking for anything. that guy who would keep all his worries to himself so I don't get bothered. Who is willing to cook and clean for me, brush my hair, put his hair up in pigtails and take pictures just to make me smile, and perhaps be tied up helpless and submit to my whim (lol XD <--janna fantasy?)...I
I have no more words, I can't exactly say what I'd want to say.
I love you, William Anthony McGillivray. Wherever you are, please be safe.Labels: feelings, journal-bloggy-ly entry
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Whoa...NSO person just knocked at our door
I was asked questions by an NSO person just now...for the 2008 census.
That was...
interesting.
Well, a bit scary. I mean, she was asking me stuff. and I usually don't just give out information like that.
Anyway, in the end she placed that sticker thingy on our door.
It must be difficult doing that kind of work. It's still kind of rainy. And it's already dark out. Well, I hope she'd be alright.Labels: journal-bloggy-ly entry
I just realized...I CAN'T REPLY TO COMMENTS! GAH! TT__TT;
I just just just REALIZED, that when someone posts a comment on your blog entry in blogger, you CAN'T reply to them directly! You would have to go and REPLY TO YOUR OWN entry and HOPE that they check back to see them. Ugh. How annoying.
Maybe I should have made my blogging come back in tabulas...or in my old LJ...or Philosophy.NU...or VOX...
but oh well. Le Sigh. >__>;
I found this out when I saw that I had comments on my entries, and planned on replying to Christelle...but...GAH! there was no such option. -cry-
I was going to reply on that comment she made on the happy meal I bought. Since I couldn't reply...I just commented on my blog entry. Bleh. >__>;
Anyway...because of that happy meal comment, I remember I had a dream this morning! Regarding that happy meal toy of mine!
It was weird since it looked a bit different, but anyway...basically I broke it due to constant pushing of the button. And well, it wasn't supposed to do that! Right? because it was new, and it's not like I really handled it roughly. So, I was going to McDonald's to have it changed...but then I didn't know where my receipt was, and well...couldn't find it. So...I lied...to the McDonalds people. I just came there and pretended that it was my sister's...and I don't have the receipt...and that my mom sent me there. Well, they already changed the happy meal, so the lady offered to change it to this squirty toy, and she squirted water on me...and I was said, uhh, don't you have the pokemon ones anymore? I think I also said something about it's raining and she got me wet and stuff...but anyway...hmm...well, I sort of went teary eyed for my "little sister" who still wants to keep her pokemon thingy, so they just made me keep both. And they also gave me all sorts of stuff. Balloon toys, or something...and well, i know there was other stuff. I kind of felt guilty but whatever. I think before I went out they discovered that I lied, and...oh...now I forgot. But I know it was a weird dream...and there was a pirate ship...and this creature that braids stuff...and I know there was some sort of mythology in it.
weird.
oh well..^^;
They really did change the happy meal toys now. It's those surfing penguins. @__@
I haven't seen the toys up close, but I saw the tarpaulin banner when I got picked up the other day, when classes got suspended again. I was going to go to McDonalds for breakfast, since I was hungry but then I couldn't go there because it was FLOODING outside...TT__TT; *sigh*
I'm hungry.
...well, not really.
GAH! I'm still very worried about Will! TT3TTLabels: informative, journal-bloggy-ly entry
Where are you? TT___TT
Sonnet XLV
By Pablo Neruda
Don’t go too far off, not even for a day, because –
because – I don’t know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.
Don’t leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.
Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don’t leave me for a second, my dearest,
because in the moment you’ll have gone so far
I’ll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't heard from Will for what may have already been two days, and I'm worried. Things haven't really been going too well for him, economically speaking. I know he's probably most likely alright, but I can't help but be worried. I know I'm sounding like a love-sick creature, and it's probably disgusting...but...I don't mind, not so much. William, wherever you are, YOU BETTER BE EATING WELL, YOU...YOU BOY PERSON YOU! >__<...AND LET ME KNOW YOU'RE ALIVE AND DOING ALRIGHT! I'm getting freakishly paranoid here!
well, on a lighter note, I got a message from Walter! Wil's cute little brother, who isn't so little anymore now that he's 15. They don't look alike much, since Walter looks like he takes after his dad in terms of looks, but they DO SOUND ALIKE...@__@...so that's...whoa
Anyway, He makes me think of my favorite cousin, Renz, who is about the same age...or a year older. Oh wait, no, I guess Walter is the same age as Queenie, and Mattea is the one who is as old as Renzie....but going back, I received an email from him. It's only around a two-liner message but it made me happy. He also wanted me to reply soon, so I did. It did help me worry a bit less about Will. Walter told me that Mattea is already going back from the Philippines and would be arriving at 1am (their time, i suppose). It's too bad I didn't get to see Mattea...who looks like she takes after their mom...who then looks like Wil too...@3@;...so seeing Mattea would be kind of like seeing a bit of Wil, only...as a girl...XD
More on Mattea, did I ever tell anyone of you (whoever is reading this) that she's really good at shooting? as in with a gun...@_@...she's actually a champion...and she'd most likely get college scholarship because of that. She also told me something about participating in the Beijing Olympics. and that's just. WOW. so cool! X3 I hope it pushes through.
UGH! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY FEROCIOUS EVIL MOSQUITOES! TT_______________TT
AND THEY JUST...DON'T APPEAR TO BE DYING! WAAAAAA~
*sigh*
WILLIAM! Where are you? TT___TT;...hmm...perhaps I should have asked Walter in that email. I really hope you're okay. I love you, you crazy. >__>;Labels: feelings, journal-bloggy-ly entry, rant and share
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Good Bye Domokun, Hello New Layout! + Love is like a heat wave song
Well, there. A new layout. I've been switching again and again yesterday up until today, but for now I think I'll stick with this pink and black one. I'm not a big fan of pink, but it's alright. It looks neat. So let's just say this layout would be a tribute to my girl-ness. Oh, and just to share, this layout was the layout of the day in blogskins last January 31st, the day I turned 20...haha, that's one of the reasons I picked this I guess. Since I couldn't find a suitable one. I wanted this layout with this cute emo boy and girl, but the...well, that area where you view your journal entries just seems to be too small for me. I think I like it better when the space is a bit wider, than if it's all cramped. I also found this very colorful rainbow-y cute layout, but there's just the graphics take long to load (for me)...so in the end I ended up settling for this one. I also had similar problems when I looked for a kogepan layout...so there.
I'll be using this one for sometime. I made a new site counter too, since I don't feel like using the old one. I did say this is somewhat like a new blog...^^
the song currently featured is the song "(Love is like a) Heat Wave" sung by shonen knife. It's actually an old song back in the 60's, but anyway...that one there to the left is the shonen knife version. It's...cute. Like other shonen knife songs. I got to hear it for the first time yesterday, while checking out the lyrics of the Sushi Bar song. I saw a link to the lyrics and then searched my shonen knife album downloads folder and I found that I have it. And so I played it. Aaaand. I liked it. I found myself humming and going la la la~ and doing a song and dance number in my head. XD
It's my current theme song for this moment, possibly because I'm in a lighter, somewhat happy and gay mood. Heat wave can be found in Shonen Knife's 1996 album, Birds and the B-sides. If I get unlazy-fied, I might blog about shonen knife as I mentioned in yesterdays blog entry. Along with other stuff I'm currently into.
Hmm, i think there's something wrong with the Heat Wave song I embedded...seems to be lacking the first parts. Well, I guess I'll just change it sometime. For now, i'll just leave it like that.
tis it for now! <3Labels: informative, rant and share
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Rawr. That just reminds me...Domokun, I'd have to let you go! TT__TT
I like...no, I guess you can say LOVE domokun...that is, taking a look at my domokun layout, you could say i find him neat. Oh but Alas!
I chose the layout and edited it in my dad's office, and I was using IE as my browser then...so I didn't know that the domokun layout did not appear right when the browser is firefox.
I use firefox. I hardly use IE anymore. I only use it when I really just need to. It doesn't really work right when I use the internet in school, and I think most of my internet/computing life is spent there.
I'd have to let you go, Domokun layout. It's been short but sweet. You'll have to go bye bye soon.
ARGH! just WHY CAN'T YOU WORK IN MOZILLA...TT__TT;
I'm no expert in html codes so I don't know how to fix youuuuu...huhuhu...but oh well. Maybe next time.
Hehe, I guess I'll go check out Kogepan now. X3Labels: rant and share
I'm feeling fuzzy...XD...no, not fuzzy lumpkins, like...no...that's just...no... i mean the warm fuzzy kind! (not that i have anything against fuzzy)
I'm really happy today. My chest feels a lot lighter, and by that I don't mean my semi-barely-existing-boobs shrunk or anything. I guess you could say that some feelings that have been making me feel down has cleared. All troubles haven't cleared up yet, and I still have a number of stuff to worry about, which are mainly school related...BUT, it's a lot better now. I feel hopeful again, and determined.
And I hope, that I can continue rekindling a sense of meaning and hope to those who need it, especially to those who I love.
I still can't manage to talk directly...I guess I'm still kind of shy when it comes to expressing my thoughts and feelings at times. I don't expect people would get to read this, but well...I don't know. I cried for a bit today, but after it all, I felt much better. My feeling better can't just be attributed to releasing those salty things. I have someone to thank for that.
It's really nice how, when you achieve feeling better...you also cause other people to feel good again.
Oh yeah, today I received an email from Mattea, Wil's sister. She's in bohol right now, on a mission trip. She seems to be enjoying. I have to remember to reply.
I hope I could get a chance to see her, maybe if she stays in Manila long enough for me to meet up with her. I'd really try to go out of my way to do so, if it would mean it's possible for us to meet. Other than wanting to just really meet her to get to know her and talk to her personally , perhaps one of the reasons I want to see her is because...it would be like...I'm seeing her brother in some way.
I'm in love with the guy <---ACK. I SAID IT. *melts* >////<
...and it's not like we'd see each other very soon.
oh, and umm, I guess if ever I do get to see her, that would mean I can finally send the stuffies I wanted to send to him. Like that naruto happy meal ruler and pen and shuriken thingy that I actually considered keeping for myself, hehe.
oh, ho, now what...I guess I'll end this for now. I'm still trying to get used to blogging again, since I haven't really done that.
Next time, I might talk about:
Happy Meals.
Shonen Knife.
Ergo Proxy.
and Millipedes.
XD or, I might go random again.Labels: feelings, journal-bloggy-ly entry
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Hello again, World. I've blogged.
You know what? This is actually a new blog now. I've changed the URL of the one containing my entries for my philosophy subject back in 2005, and claimed the sensicalnonsenicalities.blogspot url for this one, so other people won't end up in a page-cannot-be-displayed page.
Well, well. I decided to keep a journal again. That is to say, I decided to actually try and blog again.
o.o
and now I don't know what to say! XD But whatever. I still have to edit the other sections of my layout...fix the links section...add this and that...hopefully I get that done.
Oh. and yay for Domo-kun! I would have wanted a kogepan layout...but then Domo-kun is neat-o too...so...again, YAY! DOMO-KUN!
<3Labels: informative
A janna blog entry after...foreverness of non-blogging
It's been awhile since I've made an entry.
...well, not that you can really consider around a whole year +++ to be just "awhile". I'm a very frustrated person. and it doesn't feel very nice that I could not so easily talk about things I'd want to talk about.
I have around...1...2...3...no, what? 5 blogging accounts? and I don't really write entries at all. Just to try and recall...I have 2 livejournal accounts, GTReiko and Reikoku_na...I have a tabulas one...I think that's reikoku_na too, although I must admit I don't really know for sure anymore...and then there's...this one, in blogger...and technically I have 3 in blogger though I only log in using one account name...and then there's the journal in deviantArt...I know I also have one in philosophy.nu? aaand, one in vox...so that's how many in total? 6? or around 8 if you include the other 3 (now make that 4, if i include the very first one...i was testing it out...so that would make it 9 then?) in blogger also.
My writing skills, assuming I even had one, have been deteriorating. Same goes for my drawings skills, again...assuming I even had one to begin with.
I somehow feel envious with how other people can freely write their thoughts and ideas.
Just awhile ago I got into reading some friend's journal entries...I was very much amused, reading those entries...but I guess at the same time I started feeling bad. I can't seem to write down my thoughts as well as that...
I've been preoccupied with things where I haven't been making any progress. I'm in a slump. I totally don't like it, and yet I'm not doing anything.
I want to yell out loud. I want to be random and uncalculating, bold and sure of myself. I want to clear my head. I want, so much, that I cannot accomplish anything.
What's to become of me?
I should go out, sometime. Talking to myself gets old. Such a crazy loner emo-creature I am. Ugh.
NOW! In OTHER NEWS! x3
I bought a happy meal toy! YAY! I got it yesterday for breakfast, while waiting to get picked up at McDo since classes were cancelled and I was in school...and they we're already closing and they sent me away! -cry-
and ANYWAY it's...pikachu...o.o...the toy that is...it's a top thingy...and AND A BALLPEN AT THE SAME TIME! and the ink just flows like...wooow~ I'll go take a picture!
It's really cute...At first I never really planned on buying one. I wanted to get me that naruto happy meal (even though I'm not a big fan of naruto) because it has this...this ruler...and this pen...and this...this ninja star shuriken toy thing...@.@
la la la~
now I don't feel so down anymore. Talking about my happy meal made me happy hyper crazy la di da. X3
<3
I wonder, will this be the start of Janna's prolific blogging blogger-ness?
We'll see. Most likely not.Labels: rant and share
